The following list has been in my mind, sitting on various pieces of paper and then finally typed on this computer for the past 3-4 months. And truthfully, I just finalized the last few items. The list is called 25 Before 25- as in 25 things I want to do before I turn 25. My 23rd birthday was September 23, 2011. That means I have until 9/23/13 to finish it. I have been holding on to this list for so long! You see, publishing this list means a couple big things. First, publishing this list means that I am committing to complete it. And that will be difficult. Second, attempting to complete this list means that there is the potential for failure, which is something I am not really OK with. It also means that you are able to read it, ask about it, and therefore keep me accountable to finishing it. The whole reason behind the list is a good one in my opinion. You see, I am a planner. In and of itself, that is not a bad thing. It becomes a problem when I over-plan, when I look to (and to be honest, attempt to control) the future so much that I stop living in and enjoying the present. I have quite a few friends who are a little older than I am. And they all have, from my perspective, a sense of peace, confidence, and sweetness about them. They have beautiful marriages and families. I admire that about each of them, and I kinda envy their position in life. So I plan- what I want for my life and marriage and future family. I get so caught up in the what-ifs and the maybe-whens that I forget to enjoy the life that is happening all around me now. I finally realized that I had to stop. So I created this list with the desire to be intentional about the time I have been given. Today. I am excited about completing each task, looking forward to what I will learn about life and myself from each of them. I am a little nervous about maintaining focus and completing it, but really the goal is to do these things because they will help me focus on now and not so much on things I have no control over in the first place. So here it is, the whole list. Some of them may seem silly or unimportant, but they are my goals and my desires.
1. Learn to drive a stick shift.
2. Spend an afternoon at the spa.
3. Finish my graduate work.
4. Learn to quilt.
5. Bake bread from scratch.
6. Eat something I planted.
7. Visit New England in the fall.
8. Travel somewhere…anywhere really, but preferably someplace exciting and new.
9. Go wine tasting.
10. Make a beautiful cake.
11. Take a cooking class.
12. Take an art class.
13. Cook a Thanksgiving- style dinner.
14. Develop a great wardrobe.
15. Wear something I made.
16. Take trips with Rachel, Mom and Grandma.
17. Take a tropical vacation with Josh.
18. Take some great pictures of my family.
19. Take a pole dancing class.
20. Make our house feel like a home. Our home.
21. Send at least one encouraging note per month.
22. Read the entire Bible.
23. Get a tattoo. Maybe.
24. Play and sing a song on the guitar.
25. Watch at least 10 of the Top 100 Movies according to AFI, and read at least 10 of the Top 100 Books according to the NYT.
Here's to living in view of today, the wonderful gift of the present. I can't wait to get started.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Heading for the high places...
A few excerpts from my favorite book right now: Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist
"Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of light on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness... Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."
I have read those words many times in the past few months. The revelation I had in the previous post occurred sometime towards the beginning of summer. It took quite sometime to even write that last post. There is something scary about realizing and then sharing your shortcomings. But I was excited and looking forward to change and becoming who I want to be. And there is the problem. Me. I. The desire to change was based in what I think and desire for myself. And even though it wasn't official, I had a timeline for when I wanted these changes to occur. I figured I'd be done by now. But sometime in August, I had this little crisis of faith. Did I really believe what I said and thought I did? And if I did believe it, did I want to? It took a couple of awkward Sundays at church and a few talks with Josh and others to realize I do believe it, and I want to believe it. But my desires and thoughts about myself and who I want to be, as well as my timeline don't matter. If I really want to experience the changes I have been so desperately longing for, I need to give myself over completely to the one who created me and knows me as I am now and what I could be in time if I let him work in and change me.
But change is scary. To me it's one of the most scary things. You see, I am a person who desires control. I like planning, and lists and the idea of getting a new calendar/organizer thrills me! I like neat little boxes with dates and times, and neat little check marks next to those things on my to-do lists. I like being in control of where I go and when, the things I choose to be involved in and how I am feeling. But being in control is exhausting, and clearly, I am not very good at it if I have become the sarcastic, pessimistic, and scared person I am now. I still want to change. But I now realize that I have absolutely no idea how to do it. There is another book I read once that really fits where I am now. It's called Hinds Feet on High Places. The main character, Much Afraid, lives in the valley of Humiliation but works for the Chief Shepherd. She so desires to journey to the High Places, but is lame and has a crooked mouth. The Chief Shepherd invites her to the High Places anyway, just as she is. He tells her the journey will be difficult, and that to reach the final destination, she must change and be given a new name. So Much Afraid, along with her companions Sorrow and Suffering, travel through the Great Precipice of Injury, Forests of Danger, the Valley of Loss and finally to Place of Anointing and the Healing Streams where she washes her former self away and the High Places where she receives her new name.
High places are bittersweet. In order to get to the high places, and to fully appreciate them, you have to journey through the low places. The low places can be sad and scary, and they can make you bitter. But it is the low places that offer an opportunity for growth. The high places are sweet because we experience the bitterness of the lows.
"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly where you thought it should be."
So here I am. Acknowledging that God has blessed me with many high places and many opportunities for growth in the low places. I want to be in the palm of His hand, but I have fought the chance to learn and grow almost every time. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change, but into the person God would want me to be, not just because I think I need it or want it. I am on a journey to the High Places.
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."
Through the highs and lows, bitter and sweet, this is my goal.
"Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of light on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness... Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."
I have read those words many times in the past few months. The revelation I had in the previous post occurred sometime towards the beginning of summer. It took quite sometime to even write that last post. There is something scary about realizing and then sharing your shortcomings. But I was excited and looking forward to change and becoming who I want to be. And there is the problem. Me. I. The desire to change was based in what I think and desire for myself. And even though it wasn't official, I had a timeline for when I wanted these changes to occur. I figured I'd be done by now. But sometime in August, I had this little crisis of faith. Did I really believe what I said and thought I did? And if I did believe it, did I want to? It took a couple of awkward Sundays at church and a few talks with Josh and others to realize I do believe it, and I want to believe it. But my desires and thoughts about myself and who I want to be, as well as my timeline don't matter. If I really want to experience the changes I have been so desperately longing for, I need to give myself over completely to the one who created me and knows me as I am now and what I could be in time if I let him work in and change me.
But change is scary. To me it's one of the most scary things. You see, I am a person who desires control. I like planning, and lists and the idea of getting a new calendar/organizer thrills me! I like neat little boxes with dates and times, and neat little check marks next to those things on my to-do lists. I like being in control of where I go and when, the things I choose to be involved in and how I am feeling. But being in control is exhausting, and clearly, I am not very good at it if I have become the sarcastic, pessimistic, and scared person I am now. I still want to change. But I now realize that I have absolutely no idea how to do it. There is another book I read once that really fits where I am now. It's called Hinds Feet on High Places. The main character, Much Afraid, lives in the valley of Humiliation but works for the Chief Shepherd. She so desires to journey to the High Places, but is lame and has a crooked mouth. The Chief Shepherd invites her to the High Places anyway, just as she is. He tells her the journey will be difficult, and that to reach the final destination, she must change and be given a new name. So Much Afraid, along with her companions Sorrow and Suffering, travel through the Great Precipice of Injury, Forests of Danger, the Valley of Loss and finally to Place of Anointing and the Healing Streams where she washes her former self away and the High Places where she receives her new name.
High places are bittersweet. In order to get to the high places, and to fully appreciate them, you have to journey through the low places. The low places can be sad and scary, and they can make you bitter. But it is the low places that offer an opportunity for growth. The high places are sweet because we experience the bitterness of the lows.
"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly where you thought it should be."
So here I am. Acknowledging that God has blessed me with many high places and many opportunities for growth in the low places. I want to be in the palm of His hand, but I have fought the chance to learn and grow almost every time. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change, but into the person God would want me to be, not just because I think I need it or want it. I am on a journey to the High Places.
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."
Through the highs and lows, bitter and sweet, this is my goal.
Friday, July 15, 2011
There's a lot going on . . .
It's been a long time again, I know. We have been so busy this summer with school (for me), and work and trips with the church. We got back last week from Hume Lake, and it was a wonderful time! It is just beautiful up there, and so nice to get away from the distractions of everyday life. The theme was "All In." We went through the story of David and Saul, focusing specifically on the areas in our lives that we try to keep control of, or be the "king" of. It was definitely challenging. Our speaker was great. His name is Chris Brown, and he has such a unique way of presenting the Bible and he helped me gain a new perspective on stories I feel I have heard a hundred times. This week, we have been home and able to relax and enjoy a few quiet evenings together. On Sunday we leave for Road Trip with 23 of Josh's students. We will be heading up through San Fran, Sac and finally home to Susanville. It should be a good trip, and it will be so nice to be at home and see our family for a day or so. We are busy, but we are enjoying every minute, even though it is sometimes exhausting and stressful.
Lots has been going on for me personally too. I have been reading a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It is all about change and how it has affected her and what she has learned from the seasons of change in her life. It has been really eye-opening and challenging for me. I feel like the past few years of my life have been filled with constant changes. Some of them have been wonderful, like marrying Josh. Others have been incredibly difficult, like friends leaving, us moving, or the death of Auntie Sherry. If you know me, I am not really a fan of change, especially when I did not initiate it or when I am not in control of it. More importantly, I do not like the person I have become in response to the changes that have been happening. I know that changes happen for a reason. I know that they can help us grow and become better people, even when they seem scary or terrible.
As much as I dislike change, and the lack of control I feel when I am not in charge of the transitions in my life, I feel like I have been called to change. In the past couple of months, I feel like God is really challenging me to change the things about myself and my life that do not bring glory to Him. And there are a lot. I have realized that my response to change has been to become sarcastic, pessimistic, controlling, and bitter. And terribly afraid.
These are not traits that I am proud of, and I am ready to be rid of them. I am ready to change! I want to take the things I liked/like about myself and develop those things. I want to be more positive, and more uplifting. I want to be excited for my/our future. I want to be less lazy. I want to be free from the bitterness and fear that have kept me from being the person I know that God has called me to be. I am excited for the changes that will happen in me personally. For the first time, I am excited to let go of the reins and trust in who He is and what He has said and done for me. It will not happen over night, and it may be painful at times, but I AM READY.
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
Lots has been going on for me personally too. I have been reading a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It is all about change and how it has affected her and what she has learned from the seasons of change in her life. It has been really eye-opening and challenging for me. I feel like the past few years of my life have been filled with constant changes. Some of them have been wonderful, like marrying Josh. Others have been incredibly difficult, like friends leaving, us moving, or the death of Auntie Sherry. If you know me, I am not really a fan of change, especially when I did not initiate it or when I am not in control of it. More importantly, I do not like the person I have become in response to the changes that have been happening. I know that changes happen for a reason. I know that they can help us grow and become better people, even when they seem scary or terrible.
As much as I dislike change, and the lack of control I feel when I am not in charge of the transitions in my life, I feel like I have been called to change. In the past couple of months, I feel like God is really challenging me to change the things about myself and my life that do not bring glory to Him. And there are a lot. I have realized that my response to change has been to become sarcastic, pessimistic, controlling, and bitter. And terribly afraid.
These are not traits that I am proud of, and I am ready to be rid of them. I am ready to change! I want to take the things I liked/like about myself and develop those things. I want to be more positive, and more uplifting. I want to be excited for my/our future. I want to be less lazy. I want to be free from the bitterness and fear that have kept me from being the person I know that God has called me to be. I am excited for the changes that will happen in me personally. For the first time, I am excited to let go of the reins and trust in who He is and what He has said and done for me. It will not happen over night, and it may be painful at times, but I AM READY.
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
It's been awhile...
It's been a couple of weeks since my first post, and lots has happened for us! We are entering the busiest time of year for Josh at work and the past few weeks have filled with building the set in the high school room and filming the summer kickoff video, moving some dear friends into their new home, and celebrating birthdays and a wedding (very special for us because it was our good friends Niall and Natalie, but also because it was Josh's first time officiating!). We have finally had some down time this week, and I am so enjoying making dinners together and relaxing on the couch! It is crazy how fast this year is flying by. We are already in the middle of June, and with all the events and trips we are planning with the students Josh works with, I know the summer will be over before I know it. I want to make sure that I am intentional- about the time I spend with my family and the kids we work with, and the relationship I have with the Lord. I want to finally organize our apartment (yes, we have lived here for a year now, and no, I have not unpacked all the boxes completely) and make it feel more like home. I also want to embrace where we are and cultivate new friendships. And I bought a cute swimsuit that I am wanting to look great in. So here begins our summer- we are good, busy but excited for what the next few months will hold. Here are a couple pictures- one from the wedding, one from the surprise turn-around trip to Vegas with some special friends, and one of Josh in his costume from the movie/kickoff. The theme is Gold Rush and he is a "Native American." (I may link to the video at some point if they get it on YouTube, it is really funny).
I also wanted to share a recipe we tried a bit ago- it was super easy and so good! Lemon Garlic Spaghetti- perfect flavorful pasta, but nice and light for warm weather. I found it on Food Gawker (you should check it out- I need at least a week to make all the recipes I have found!). I added grilled chicken and didn't add pine nuts because I couldn't find them in the store. But it was great! I served with a side of grilled zucchini and garlic bread. Enjoy!
Oh, and I promise to write more often. I do enjoy it, and the point was to journal our lives, and I don't want to forget one crazy/busy/tiring/wonderful moment!
I also wanted to share a recipe we tried a bit ago- it was super easy and so good! Lemon Garlic Spaghetti- perfect flavorful pasta, but nice and light for warm weather. I found it on Food Gawker (you should check it out- I need at least a week to make all the recipes I have found!). I added grilled chicken and didn't add pine nuts because I couldn't find them in the store. But it was great! I served with a side of grilled zucchini and garlic bread. Enjoy!
Oh, and I promise to write more often. I do enjoy it, and the point was to journal our lives, and I don't want to forget one crazy/busy/tiring/wonderful moment!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Documenting our journey . . .
Hello everyone!
Welcome to my blog! My name is Lyndsey. I am 22 and living in Southern CA with my wonderful husband Josh. I could write a whole other post on our story and how J & L came to be, but I will save that for another time. I have debated for quite some time about whether or not to start a blog, and have finally decided and realized that even if this is just a place for me to get my thoughts down and a place to document our journey together, that is enough. We may not have the most exciting or glamourous life, but it is OURS. Just he and I. And to me, that is beautiful. So our blog will be about us and what we do and how we live. We love to cook, and entertain our family and friends. We want to make our house feel like a home, and that sometimes includes wonderful/fun/stressful projects. We love and worship a God who has first loved us and changed our lives and called us to serve, specifically youth (Josh works full-time in youth ministry), so our Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, and summers are filled with camps and service trips and projects and students who never cease to amaze and entertain us. So here it begins. So much has happened in our life, and it goes by way to quickly, and I don't want to forget any of the wonderful memories we have made/will make. So this blog will document our relationships, recipes, diy projects, and our faith and all the other crazy/wonderful things that make our life uniquely ours. And I want to be honest. Like I said before, this is a place for me to journal my thoughts and our life, and don't want to change it because I am too worried about what people think or how I will be viewd. I have done that for too long. So here's to transparency and to seeing our growth and progress as a family of 2! I can't wait to see where this life takes us.
Welcome to my blog! My name is Lyndsey. I am 22 and living in Southern CA with my wonderful husband Josh. I could write a whole other post on our story and how J & L came to be, but I will save that for another time. I have debated for quite some time about whether or not to start a blog, and have finally decided and realized that even if this is just a place for me to get my thoughts down and a place to document our journey together, that is enough. We may not have the most exciting or glamourous life, but it is OURS. Just he and I. And to me, that is beautiful. So our blog will be about us and what we do and how we live. We love to cook, and entertain our family and friends. We want to make our house feel like a home, and that sometimes includes wonderful/fun/stressful projects. We love and worship a God who has first loved us and changed our lives and called us to serve, specifically youth (Josh works full-time in youth ministry), so our Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, and summers are filled with camps and service trips and projects and students who never cease to amaze and entertain us. So here it begins. So much has happened in our life, and it goes by way to quickly, and I don't want to forget any of the wonderful memories we have made/will make. So this blog will document our relationships, recipes, diy projects, and our faith and all the other crazy/wonderful things that make our life uniquely ours. And I want to be honest. Like I said before, this is a place for me to journal my thoughts and our life, and don't want to change it because I am too worried about what people think or how I will be viewd. I have done that for too long. So here's to transparency and to seeing our growth and progress as a family of 2! I can't wait to see where this life takes us.
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