We got a new couch and I am unbelievably excited! It's perfect- it's a neutral color that will match any sort of decor I happen to like on any particular day, it's got a slip cover that is dry clean-able which is perfect for our puppy and any future kids we may have (or any of the youth leaders we may have over, which seems to happen a few times a week). It's big and comfy and just feels more like us, which I love because I want our house to feel like our home (more on that some some other day). And we got it from an amazing (seriously, it was incredible!) deal happening at World Market! But as much as I love our new couch, this post isn't really about that.
This morning at church our pastor spoke on greediness. He pointed out how often we try to distance our selves from this word. No one desires to be described as greedy, but it is revealed in how we manage the resources God has blessed us with.
Now, I would not describe myself as greedy. We open our home to our friends and family and frequently share meals at our table. We don't have a bunch of extra money lying around, but I try to spend it in a way that blesses others. And when I do buy stuff for us, it is usually on sale or a good deal.
BUT (and yes, it's a big but), how much do I focus on having nice things because I want people who come to our home to think it is nice. How much more do I focus on the new things I think we need- a dining room set, new TV stand, new duvet cover, and the list goes on... It is easy for me to think that we need this stuff. It makes us happy and makes our house feel like home.
BUT (and this is the biggest but), IT IS JUST STUFF. And as our pastor pointed out: stuff can be great tools, but they make terrible gods. My focus shouldn't be on the stuff I think we need or what people think about it. And if I am completely honest with myself, I don't think the guys that Josh works with really care about my cute throw pillows (shocking, I know!). My focus should be on the fact that God has blessed us with this stuff to use for His glory and to bless others. The truth is that what we do with our stuff, our time, money, and other resources, ultimately reflect what we value and believe. We studied Luke 12:12-31 and a few verses stood out to me:
"Then he said to them, 'Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.'" (Luke 12:15)
"But seek first his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." (Luke 12:31)
And my favorite: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Luke 12:34)
Scary isn't it? Where's my treasure? Is it in the stuff I think we need, or that I can justify buying because we may need it at some point or because we will use it for church events? It is easy for me to use that as an excuse for what we buy.
"Oh, well if we had a nicer kitchen table, we could have more friends over!"
or
"If we had a bigger car, we could carry more youth kids on trips!"
Where's my treasure? I really do believe that it is in the relationships we have, the friends and family who frequent our home. But do I need a nicer table/couch/duvet/accessory before I can have them over because I am more worried about how they view our stuff than focused on sharing our time and a good meal? Absolutely not.
So this is what I want to do: focus more on using the resources God has given us as tools to bless others. Realize it is not about how much we have or how nice it is, but it's about the things that are more eternal- relationships and memories.
So I will be praying over our stuff now:
That God would use our table to not only help us fill people's stomachs, but their hearts as well.
That our couch would be a place for our friends to sit and talk about life- the good stuff and the hard stuff, and let's be honest, watch a few good movies or games ;)
And that through it all (the shiny and new stuff and the hand-me-downs) God would be glorified because we chose to share what He blessed us with.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
That wonderful moment when...
I am tired of seeing "That awkward moment when..." posted all over Facebook. I admit that they can be funny to read, and I certainly see the value of documenting and remembering important moments. But awkward ones? I would rather focus on the unexpected, wonderful, sweet and precious moments. Here are some of those moments from the past few weeks...
That wonderful moment when...
An unplanned car ride turns into a great discussion about faith and family and the future with your best friend.
You get to celebrate the engagement of two great friends.
You arrive home to a clean house after a long trip away and finally get to sleep in your own bed.
The evening sky is the perfect blend of blue, purple, pink and gold.
You have the first In-N-Out burger, steak, salad, bowl of macaroni and cheese, etc. after eating foreign food for what seems like forever.
You find out that some other friends are finally moving back to the area. Yay!
You share a meal, laughter, and great conversation with a group of people you are blessed to do life with.
You get to see how much the students you work with have grown and that they really love one another and desire to serve.
You get to sit and share your feelings with someone who really cares and makes you feel heard.
You learn more about who you are through looking at the events and circumstances that have happened in your life.
You realize that the place you resisted and resented for over a year finally has finally started to feel like home.
You realize that God is working in your life, even though you have tried to fight and ignore it. It may be slow and sometimes painful, and happen in ways you didn't expect, but He is there, just like He promised He would be. And He has given you all these wonderful moments as proof that He absolutely adores you.
That wonderful moment when...
An unplanned car ride turns into a great discussion about faith and family and the future with your best friend.
You get to celebrate the engagement of two great friends.
You arrive home to a clean house after a long trip away and finally get to sleep in your own bed.
The evening sky is the perfect blend of blue, purple, pink and gold.
You have the first In-N-Out burger, steak, salad, bowl of macaroni and cheese, etc. after eating foreign food for what seems like forever.
You find out that some other friends are finally moving back to the area. Yay!
You share a meal, laughter, and great conversation with a group of people you are blessed to do life with.
You get to see how much the students you work with have grown and that they really love one another and desire to serve.
You get to sit and share your feelings with someone who really cares and makes you feel heard.
You learn more about who you are through looking at the events and circumstances that have happened in your life.
You realize that the place you resisted and resented for over a year finally has finally started to feel like home.
You realize that God is working in your life, even though you have tried to fight and ignore it. It may be slow and sometimes painful, and happen in ways you didn't expect, but He is there, just like He promised He would be. And He has given you all these wonderful moments as proof that He absolutely adores you.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Number 8
Yay for checking off one thing from my 25 before 25 list! This falls under number 8- but even though it will have technically been completed, I know I want to experience as many new places as possible, before I turn 25, and anytime I have the chance after that as well. I am currently sitting in my room at a "resort" a little outside of Chiang Mai, Thailand. And all I can think right now is: after this trip, I don't think I will ever have a desire to eat Thai food again. It was ok the first 3-4 meals as we tried new things, but now it all tastes the same. Weird and way too spicy. At least I tried right?! This trip has been eye-opening and exciting in so many ways. It seemed like a dream, that we weren't actually coming here, and I kept thinking that maybe as we got to LAX, or got on the plane to take off, or landed in Seoul, and finally in Chiang Mai, that it would finally sink in and I would realize that it wasn't use a dream. And in some ways it was like that. In the airport in Seoul, there was a moment where I looked at Josh and with a high-pitched squeal exclaimed "We're in a foreign county. We are going to THAILAND!" He just kinda laughed. Now, even though we have only been here for about a week, I feel like I have fallen into a comfortable rhythm and it feels as though we have been here forever.
We awake in the morning before 7:45 and have breakfast, usually toast with jam, cereal and some fruit. Then we take off to whatever is planned for that day- exploring, training, and now taking care of the kids. Then it's time for lunch and an afternoon rest (which has been absolutely wonderful, and certainly needed). We then head back to the afternoon's scheduled events and then have dinner around 6 and the evening off to rest or explore some more. I fall asleep fast, and sleep well and wake before my alarm the next morning to do it all over again.
There have been several other moments of pure excitement and laughing in sheer delight. We got to ride and then feed some elephants on Friday. From the beginning of planning this trip, the prospect of riding elephants was so wonderful to me, even though it's not like I particularly love elephants or anything. But as we followed the little trail on the back of this huge animal, I was just in awe. Of the elephant, the fact the we were here, so far from home, having this wonderful experience and that God had created and orchestrated everything necessary for this moment to happen.
I have been overwhelmed by God on this trip. The first real epiphany (although it sounds simple and a little like, "Duh, He's God…") came as we having our team training. We met 6 other people who come from all over the world and have these amazing and beautiful stories (and accents). As they shared some of their stories and where God had brought them and how they ended up with us at this meeting, I was struck by how amazing it is that I have lived my life in one country, praying and worshipping the same God that these people: Margaret from Scotland to Singapore, Gill from England, Moira from Scotland, Eliza from Korea to America, Josh G. from Zimbabwe to Cambodia to England to Singapore, Brianna from Thailand to Canada and back, and Marissa from Thailand to the Netherlands and back, were worshiping in around the world. That my God is their God, that he is big enough to know and love us all and that he had brought us all together at this precise time. How amazing! We also had the chance to visit a friend of ours who lives in Chiang Mai and works at a cafe that reaches out to students at the university and offers English lessons and tells them about Jesus. This place, WonGen Cafe, feels very much like a college hangout in America. Many students hanging out, eating, and drinking coffee. We visited on a night where they were having an open mic time. It was so cool to see students from the US and Thailand sing together, and to hear some worship, both in English and in Thai. It was the same feeling as when I met our team for the conference: We all serve the same wonderful God!
I am also blown away by the people we are serving at this conference. Our team is working specifically with kids, called TCKs or Third Culture Kids. These are kids that have parents from one place, who are serving in another, and the children feel a mix of both their parents home culture and the host culture they are living in now. 4 of our team members are TCKs themselves and their stories are so cool and interesting. These families are certainly unique and I am feeling so blessed to be able to serve them by helping care for their kids. For their safety and security, I can't give the name of the conference, or where they are serving. But that fact alone is crazy to me. We always hear in prayers "God, thank you that we can freely worship and pray to you here (in America)." And I know we have told our students that many people do not have the freedom to worship as openly as we do. But to actually meet people who are serving in the places where they have to be careful not to overuse the words prayer, and God and missionary- it really makes me realize just how incredibly blessed I am.
We have 2.5 more days here at the conference, and then 1.5 days before we leave for home. And even though I am looking forward to the next few days here, I am excited to go home. I miss our puppy, and out bed and the life and friends we have at home. And I miss cheeseburgers, steak, sandwiches, salads, Goldfish, and I could go on and on about the food I miss. Like I said, Thai food will no longer be appealing. But for now, I am so glad and excited to be here, soaking up each wonderful and unique minute.
We awake in the morning before 7:45 and have breakfast, usually toast with jam, cereal and some fruit. Then we take off to whatever is planned for that day- exploring, training, and now taking care of the kids. Then it's time for lunch and an afternoon rest (which has been absolutely wonderful, and certainly needed). We then head back to the afternoon's scheduled events and then have dinner around 6 and the evening off to rest or explore some more. I fall asleep fast, and sleep well and wake before my alarm the next morning to do it all over again.
There have been several other moments of pure excitement and laughing in sheer delight. We got to ride and then feed some elephants on Friday. From the beginning of planning this trip, the prospect of riding elephants was so wonderful to me, even though it's not like I particularly love elephants or anything. But as we followed the little trail on the back of this huge animal, I was just in awe. Of the elephant, the fact the we were here, so far from home, having this wonderful experience and that God had created and orchestrated everything necessary for this moment to happen.
I have been overwhelmed by God on this trip. The first real epiphany (although it sounds simple and a little like, "Duh, He's God…") came as we having our team training. We met 6 other people who come from all over the world and have these amazing and beautiful stories (and accents). As they shared some of their stories and where God had brought them and how they ended up with us at this meeting, I was struck by how amazing it is that I have lived my life in one country, praying and worshipping the same God that these people: Margaret from Scotland to Singapore, Gill from England, Moira from Scotland, Eliza from Korea to America, Josh G. from Zimbabwe to Cambodia to England to Singapore, Brianna from Thailand to Canada and back, and Marissa from Thailand to the Netherlands and back, were worshiping in around the world. That my God is their God, that he is big enough to know and love us all and that he had brought us all together at this precise time. How amazing! We also had the chance to visit a friend of ours who lives in Chiang Mai and works at a cafe that reaches out to students at the university and offers English lessons and tells them about Jesus. This place, WonGen Cafe, feels very much like a college hangout in America. Many students hanging out, eating, and drinking coffee. We visited on a night where they were having an open mic time. It was so cool to see students from the US and Thailand sing together, and to hear some worship, both in English and in Thai. It was the same feeling as when I met our team for the conference: We all serve the same wonderful God!
I am also blown away by the people we are serving at this conference. Our team is working specifically with kids, called TCKs or Third Culture Kids. These are kids that have parents from one place, who are serving in another, and the children feel a mix of both their parents home culture and the host culture they are living in now. 4 of our team members are TCKs themselves and their stories are so cool and interesting. These families are certainly unique and I am feeling so blessed to be able to serve them by helping care for their kids. For their safety and security, I can't give the name of the conference, or where they are serving. But that fact alone is crazy to me. We always hear in prayers "God, thank you that we can freely worship and pray to you here (in America)." And I know we have told our students that many people do not have the freedom to worship as openly as we do. But to actually meet people who are serving in the places where they have to be careful not to overuse the words prayer, and God and missionary- it really makes me realize just how incredibly blessed I am.
We have 2.5 more days here at the conference, and then 1.5 days before we leave for home. And even though I am looking forward to the next few days here, I am excited to go home. I miss our puppy, and out bed and the life and friends we have at home. And I miss cheeseburgers, steak, sandwiches, salads, Goldfish, and I could go on and on about the food I miss. Like I said, Thai food will no longer be appealing. But for now, I am so glad and excited to be here, soaking up each wonderful and unique minute.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
25 before 25
The following list has been in my mind, sitting on various pieces of paper and then finally typed on this computer for the past 3-4 months. And truthfully, I just finalized the last few items. The list is called 25 Before 25- as in 25 things I want to do before I turn 25. My 23rd birthday was September 23, 2011. That means I have until 9/23/13 to finish it. I have been holding on to this list for so long! You see, publishing this list means a couple big things. First, publishing this list means that I am committing to complete it. And that will be difficult. Second, attempting to complete this list means that there is the potential for failure, which is something I am not really OK with. It also means that you are able to read it, ask about it, and therefore keep me accountable to finishing it. The whole reason behind the list is a good one in my opinion. You see, I am a planner. In and of itself, that is not a bad thing. It becomes a problem when I over-plan, when I look to (and to be honest, attempt to control) the future so much that I stop living in and enjoying the present. I have quite a few friends who are a little older than I am. And they all have, from my perspective, a sense of peace, confidence, and sweetness about them. They have beautiful marriages and families. I admire that about each of them, and I kinda envy their position in life. So I plan- what I want for my life and marriage and future family. I get so caught up in the what-ifs and the maybe-whens that I forget to enjoy the life that is happening all around me now. I finally realized that I had to stop. So I created this list with the desire to be intentional about the time I have been given. Today. I am excited about completing each task, looking forward to what I will learn about life and myself from each of them. I am a little nervous about maintaining focus and completing it, but really the goal is to do these things because they will help me focus on now and not so much on things I have no control over in the first place. So here it is, the whole list. Some of them may seem silly or unimportant, but they are my goals and my desires.
1. Learn to drive a stick shift.
2. Spend an afternoon at the spa.
3. Finish my graduate work.
4. Learn to quilt.
5. Bake bread from scratch.
6. Eat something I planted.
7. Visit New England in the fall.
8. Travel somewhere…anywhere really, but preferably someplace exciting and new.
9. Go wine tasting.
10. Make a beautiful cake.
11. Take a cooking class.
12. Take an art class.
13. Cook a Thanksgiving- style dinner.
14. Develop a great wardrobe.
15. Wear something I made.
16. Take trips with Rachel, Mom and Grandma.
17. Take a tropical vacation with Josh.
18. Take some great pictures of my family.
19. Take a pole dancing class.
20. Make our house feel like a home. Our home.
21. Send at least one encouraging note per month.
22. Read the entire Bible.
23. Get a tattoo. Maybe.
24. Play and sing a song on the guitar.
25. Watch at least 10 of the Top 100 Movies according to AFI, and read at least 10 of the Top 100 Books according to the NYT.
Here's to living in view of today, the wonderful gift of the present. I can't wait to get started.
1. Learn to drive a stick shift.
2. Spend an afternoon at the spa.
3. Finish my graduate work.
4. Learn to quilt.
5. Bake bread from scratch.
6. Eat something I planted.
7. Visit New England in the fall.
8. Travel somewhere…anywhere really, but preferably someplace exciting and new.
9. Go wine tasting.
10. Make a beautiful cake.
11. Take a cooking class.
12. Take an art class.
13. Cook a Thanksgiving- style dinner.
14. Develop a great wardrobe.
15. Wear something I made.
16. Take trips with Rachel, Mom and Grandma.
17. Take a tropical vacation with Josh.
18. Take some great pictures of my family.
19. Take a pole dancing class.
20. Make our house feel like a home. Our home.
21. Send at least one encouraging note per month.
22. Read the entire Bible.
23. Get a tattoo. Maybe.
24. Play and sing a song on the guitar.
25. Watch at least 10 of the Top 100 Movies according to AFI, and read at least 10 of the Top 100 Books according to the NYT.
Here's to living in view of today, the wonderful gift of the present. I can't wait to get started.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Heading for the high places...
A few excerpts from my favorite book right now: Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist
"Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of light on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness... Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."
I have read those words many times in the past few months. The revelation I had in the previous post occurred sometime towards the beginning of summer. It took quite sometime to even write that last post. There is something scary about realizing and then sharing your shortcomings. But I was excited and looking forward to change and becoming who I want to be. And there is the problem. Me. I. The desire to change was based in what I think and desire for myself. And even though it wasn't official, I had a timeline for when I wanted these changes to occur. I figured I'd be done by now. But sometime in August, I had this little crisis of faith. Did I really believe what I said and thought I did? And if I did believe it, did I want to? It took a couple of awkward Sundays at church and a few talks with Josh and others to realize I do believe it, and I want to believe it. But my desires and thoughts about myself and who I want to be, as well as my timeline don't matter. If I really want to experience the changes I have been so desperately longing for, I need to give myself over completely to the one who created me and knows me as I am now and what I could be in time if I let him work in and change me.
But change is scary. To me it's one of the most scary things. You see, I am a person who desires control. I like planning, and lists and the idea of getting a new calendar/organizer thrills me! I like neat little boxes with dates and times, and neat little check marks next to those things on my to-do lists. I like being in control of where I go and when, the things I choose to be involved in and how I am feeling. But being in control is exhausting, and clearly, I am not very good at it if I have become the sarcastic, pessimistic, and scared person I am now. I still want to change. But I now realize that I have absolutely no idea how to do it. There is another book I read once that really fits where I am now. It's called Hinds Feet on High Places. The main character, Much Afraid, lives in the valley of Humiliation but works for the Chief Shepherd. She so desires to journey to the High Places, but is lame and has a crooked mouth. The Chief Shepherd invites her to the High Places anyway, just as she is. He tells her the journey will be difficult, and that to reach the final destination, she must change and be given a new name. So Much Afraid, along with her companions Sorrow and Suffering, travel through the Great Precipice of Injury, Forests of Danger, the Valley of Loss and finally to Place of Anointing and the Healing Streams where she washes her former self away and the High Places where she receives her new name.
High places are bittersweet. In order to get to the high places, and to fully appreciate them, you have to journey through the low places. The low places can be sad and scary, and they can make you bitter. But it is the low places that offer an opportunity for growth. The high places are sweet because we experience the bitterness of the lows.
"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly where you thought it should be."
So here I am. Acknowledging that God has blessed me with many high places and many opportunities for growth in the low places. I want to be in the palm of His hand, but I have fought the chance to learn and grow almost every time. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change, but into the person God would want me to be, not just because I think I need it or want it. I am on a journey to the High Places.
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."
Through the highs and lows, bitter and sweet, this is my goal.
"Bittersweet is the idea that in all things there is both something broken and something beautiful, that there is a sliver of light on even the darkest of nights, a shadow of hope in every heartbreak, and that rejoicing is no less rich when it contains a splinter of sadness... Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. Bittersweet is courageous, gutsy, earthy."
I have read those words many times in the past few months. The revelation I had in the previous post occurred sometime towards the beginning of summer. It took quite sometime to even write that last post. There is something scary about realizing and then sharing your shortcomings. But I was excited and looking forward to change and becoming who I want to be. And there is the problem. Me. I. The desire to change was based in what I think and desire for myself. And even though it wasn't official, I had a timeline for when I wanted these changes to occur. I figured I'd be done by now. But sometime in August, I had this little crisis of faith. Did I really believe what I said and thought I did? And if I did believe it, did I want to? It took a couple of awkward Sundays at church and a few talks with Josh and others to realize I do believe it, and I want to believe it. But my desires and thoughts about myself and who I want to be, as well as my timeline don't matter. If I really want to experience the changes I have been so desperately longing for, I need to give myself over completely to the one who created me and knows me as I am now and what I could be in time if I let him work in and change me.
But change is scary. To me it's one of the most scary things. You see, I am a person who desires control. I like planning, and lists and the idea of getting a new calendar/organizer thrills me! I like neat little boxes with dates and times, and neat little check marks next to those things on my to-do lists. I like being in control of where I go and when, the things I choose to be involved in and how I am feeling. But being in control is exhausting, and clearly, I am not very good at it if I have become the sarcastic, pessimistic, and scared person I am now. I still want to change. But I now realize that I have absolutely no idea how to do it. There is another book I read once that really fits where I am now. It's called Hinds Feet on High Places. The main character, Much Afraid, lives in the valley of Humiliation but works for the Chief Shepherd. She so desires to journey to the High Places, but is lame and has a crooked mouth. The Chief Shepherd invites her to the High Places anyway, just as she is. He tells her the journey will be difficult, and that to reach the final destination, she must change and be given a new name. So Much Afraid, along with her companions Sorrow and Suffering, travel through the Great Precipice of Injury, Forests of Danger, the Valley of Loss and finally to Place of Anointing and the Healing Streams where she washes her former self away and the High Places where she receives her new name.
High places are bittersweet. In order to get to the high places, and to fully appreciate them, you have to journey through the low places. The low places can be sad and scary, and they can make you bitter. But it is the low places that offer an opportunity for growth. The high places are sweet because we experience the bitterness of the lows.
"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that is has the potential to open you up, open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly where you thought it should be."
So here I am. Acknowledging that God has blessed me with many high places and many opportunities for growth in the low places. I want to be in the palm of His hand, but I have fought the chance to learn and grow almost every time. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to change, but into the person God would want me to be, not just because I think I need it or want it. I am on a journey to the High Places.
"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."
Through the highs and lows, bitter and sweet, this is my goal.
Friday, July 15, 2011
There's a lot going on . . .
It's been a long time again, I know. We have been so busy this summer with school (for me), and work and trips with the church. We got back last week from Hume Lake, and it was a wonderful time! It is just beautiful up there, and so nice to get away from the distractions of everyday life. The theme was "All In." We went through the story of David and Saul, focusing specifically on the areas in our lives that we try to keep control of, or be the "king" of. It was definitely challenging. Our speaker was great. His name is Chris Brown, and he has such a unique way of presenting the Bible and he helped me gain a new perspective on stories I feel I have heard a hundred times. This week, we have been home and able to relax and enjoy a few quiet evenings together. On Sunday we leave for Road Trip with 23 of Josh's students. We will be heading up through San Fran, Sac and finally home to Susanville. It should be a good trip, and it will be so nice to be at home and see our family for a day or so. We are busy, but we are enjoying every minute, even though it is sometimes exhausting and stressful.
Lots has been going on for me personally too. I have been reading a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It is all about change and how it has affected her and what she has learned from the seasons of change in her life. It has been really eye-opening and challenging for me. I feel like the past few years of my life have been filled with constant changes. Some of them have been wonderful, like marrying Josh. Others have been incredibly difficult, like friends leaving, us moving, or the death of Auntie Sherry. If you know me, I am not really a fan of change, especially when I did not initiate it or when I am not in control of it. More importantly, I do not like the person I have become in response to the changes that have been happening. I know that changes happen for a reason. I know that they can help us grow and become better people, even when they seem scary or terrible.
As much as I dislike change, and the lack of control I feel when I am not in charge of the transitions in my life, I feel like I have been called to change. In the past couple of months, I feel like God is really challenging me to change the things about myself and my life that do not bring glory to Him. And there are a lot. I have realized that my response to change has been to become sarcastic, pessimistic, controlling, and bitter. And terribly afraid.
These are not traits that I am proud of, and I am ready to be rid of them. I am ready to change! I want to take the things I liked/like about myself and develop those things. I want to be more positive, and more uplifting. I want to be excited for my/our future. I want to be less lazy. I want to be free from the bitterness and fear that have kept me from being the person I know that God has called me to be. I am excited for the changes that will happen in me personally. For the first time, I am excited to let go of the reins and trust in who He is and what He has said and done for me. It will not happen over night, and it may be painful at times, but I AM READY.
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
Lots has been going on for me personally too. I have been reading a book called Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist. It is all about change and how it has affected her and what she has learned from the seasons of change in her life. It has been really eye-opening and challenging for me. I feel like the past few years of my life have been filled with constant changes. Some of them have been wonderful, like marrying Josh. Others have been incredibly difficult, like friends leaving, us moving, or the death of Auntie Sherry. If you know me, I am not really a fan of change, especially when I did not initiate it or when I am not in control of it. More importantly, I do not like the person I have become in response to the changes that have been happening. I know that changes happen for a reason. I know that they can help us grow and become better people, even when they seem scary or terrible.
As much as I dislike change, and the lack of control I feel when I am not in charge of the transitions in my life, I feel like I have been called to change. In the past couple of months, I feel like God is really challenging me to change the things about myself and my life that do not bring glory to Him. And there are a lot. I have realized that my response to change has been to become sarcastic, pessimistic, controlling, and bitter. And terribly afraid.
These are not traits that I am proud of, and I am ready to be rid of them. I am ready to change! I want to take the things I liked/like about myself and develop those things. I want to be more positive, and more uplifting. I want to be excited for my/our future. I want to be less lazy. I want to be free from the bitterness and fear that have kept me from being the person I know that God has called me to be. I am excited for the changes that will happen in me personally. For the first time, I am excited to let go of the reins and trust in who He is and what He has said and done for me. It will not happen over night, and it may be painful at times, but I AM READY.
"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
It's been awhile...
It's been a couple of weeks since my first post, and lots has happened for us! We are entering the busiest time of year for Josh at work and the past few weeks have filled with building the set in the high school room and filming the summer kickoff video, moving some dear friends into their new home, and celebrating birthdays and a wedding (very special for us because it was our good friends Niall and Natalie, but also because it was Josh's first time officiating!). We have finally had some down time this week, and I am so enjoying making dinners together and relaxing on the couch! It is crazy how fast this year is flying by. We are already in the middle of June, and with all the events and trips we are planning with the students Josh works with, I know the summer will be over before I know it. I want to make sure that I am intentional- about the time I spend with my family and the kids we work with, and the relationship I have with the Lord. I want to finally organize our apartment (yes, we have lived here for a year now, and no, I have not unpacked all the boxes completely) and make it feel more like home. I also want to embrace where we are and cultivate new friendships. And I bought a cute swimsuit that I am wanting to look great in. So here begins our summer- we are good, busy but excited for what the next few months will hold. Here are a couple pictures- one from the wedding, one from the surprise turn-around trip to Vegas with some special friends, and one of Josh in his costume from the movie/kickoff. The theme is Gold Rush and he is a "Native American." (I may link to the video at some point if they get it on YouTube, it is really funny).
I also wanted to share a recipe we tried a bit ago- it was super easy and so good! Lemon Garlic Spaghetti- perfect flavorful pasta, but nice and light for warm weather. I found it on Food Gawker (you should check it out- I need at least a week to make all the recipes I have found!). I added grilled chicken and didn't add pine nuts because I couldn't find them in the store. But it was great! I served with a side of grilled zucchini and garlic bread. Enjoy!
Oh, and I promise to write more often. I do enjoy it, and the point was to journal our lives, and I don't want to forget one crazy/busy/tiring/wonderful moment!
I also wanted to share a recipe we tried a bit ago- it was super easy and so good! Lemon Garlic Spaghetti- perfect flavorful pasta, but nice and light for warm weather. I found it on Food Gawker (you should check it out- I need at least a week to make all the recipes I have found!). I added grilled chicken and didn't add pine nuts because I couldn't find them in the store. But it was great! I served with a side of grilled zucchini and garlic bread. Enjoy!
Oh, and I promise to write more often. I do enjoy it, and the point was to journal our lives, and I don't want to forget one crazy/busy/tiring/wonderful moment!
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